Dogs, painful electric shocks, and explanatory style: What does the research tell us about feeling discouraged and helpless? (Part 1)

It’s pretty simple. The research shows us that when people feel discouraged and helpless, they are more likely to become depressed. There are several landmark studies conducted by Martin Seligman and Steven Maier describing the phenomenon of learned helplessness using dogs and the effect of exposing the dogs to unpleasant electrical shocks while in a harness.

Ouch! While it does seem unpleasant to expose dogs to electric shocks, the results of the studies have helped us understand some of the underlying causes of depression and hopelessness.

In the research, there were 3 groups of dogs who were placed in a harness. In the first group, the dogs were placed in the harness for a period of time, then released.

The dogs in group 2 were intentionally exposed to pain from electrical shocks which continued until the dogs learned to press a lever which ended the painful electric shock.

The dogs in group 3 were placed in harnesses which were wired to the harnesses of the dogs in group 2. This meant that when the dogs in group 2 were exposed to the painful electric shock, the dogs in group 3 experienced the same identical painful shock.

However, the dogs in group 3 did not have a lever to end the shock, so they experienced the electrical shock as random, out of their control, and inescapeable.

The dogs in groups 1 and 2 recovered quickly from their experiences, but the dogs in group 3 exhibited symptoms similar to depression.


The most revealing finding of these studies came when these same three groups of dogs were placed in a box with a low partition from which they could easily escape when exposed to the painful electrical shocks.

What do you think happened?

If you guessed that the dogs in groups 1 and 2 easily and quickly jumped over the partition and escaped the painful electric shocks, you were right.

You may not have been able to guess that the dogs in group 3 who did not learn to control the electrical shock simply layed down on the floor of the box with the painful electrical shock.

Although they could have easily excaped the painful shocks, they remained in the box due to their learned helplessness.

Now in later studies, not all the dogs in the group 3 remained in the box. Of the approximately 150 dogs used in these studies, about a 1/3 did not become “helpless.”

So, it’s good news that some dogs didn’t learn to be helpless in the face of painful stimuli. They had a resilience to adversity, similar to human beings who are exposed to adversity, but seem to bounce back quickly.

The term used to describe this difference in people is called “explanatory style.”

Calm Down, It's Good for your Marriage

Do you and your spouse have trouble talking? Does one or both of you get angry quickly leading to hurt feelings and distance in your relationship?

If you answered yes to these questions, it is likely you and your spouse are becoming emotionally “flooded.” John Gottman and other couples therapists describe flooding as when one or both marital partners getting so upset that all attempts to discuss issues are derailed. Here are some other questions to ask yourself from the Gottman “flooding” questionnaire:

* Do your discussions get too heated?
* Do you have a hard time calming down?
* Does one of you say something you regret?
* Do you yell unnessessarily?
* Do you feel like running away?
* Does your partner have a list of unreasonable demands?
* Is it hard or impossible to stop your partner’s temper?

What are your answers like to these questions? If it sounds like you and your partner are having trouble in this area, time to slow things down and learn a calmer way of communicating.

This is usually the first stage of my work with couples…learning to speak and listen with empathy and compassion.

Speaking and listening with empathy and compassion can improve the way couples feel about each other in the first session.

The Honeymoon Stage is Great, But Can Your Relationship or Marriage Survive Till the Realistic Stage?

The chemistry that brings couples together, sex, partying, and idealistic views of the future do not last very long.

This first stage of a relationship is often called the "honeymoon stage", but could also be referred to as the naive, unconscious or euphoric stage.

No matter how long we have been looking, finding someone special can lead to many unrealistic expectations about our potential future partners.

In fact, things that we initially liked in the other person, being the life of the party, great joke teller, quiet, passive, etc, may become the very things that upset us most later.

Couples usually are forced by some crisis to face the grim truth that the early "honeymoon" stage is over and it's time to start dealing with the real demands of an enduring love relationship.

First Step in Couples Therapy: Finding Hope

My job is to help couples find hope that things can get better and the skills to make it happen. I promise couples that I will not let them get into those escalating fights here in my office, but rather…

use the time we are together to experience a new, more comfortable way to talk with each other. I help normalize things as well.

We judge ourselves so harshly. It’s usually helpful for couples to learn that they are not the only ones having a hard time building a strong marriage.

I have been married since 1982 and understand how challenging life can be. Add raising a successful daughter in the context of a complicated culture and I fully understand how easy it is to lose hope that things can get better.

One of the (maybe only!) good things about getting older is the deep awareness that "this too shall pass."

Bad times, worked through to a healthy resolution (not always in our favor) will lead to a strengthening of our ability to face both adversity and failure, as well as, happiness and success.

Finding hope is the first step.

Address and Resolve Conflicts: The Key to Deepening Intimacy

If you are able to address and resolve conflict quickly, your relationship will likely grow and deepen. Your sex life will probably improve too, as unresolved anger can hurt your sexual intimacy.

Here are some questions for you to consider:

* Are you aware of any basic differences between you and your partner?
* Are you able to resolve these differences easily?
* Do these basic differences seem unresolvable?
* Do you live day to day with emotional hurts?
* Are your positions getting entrenched?
* Do you fear that you will never get what you hoped for in this relationship?
* Are you worried that your differences and disagreements will damage your relationship?

Take time to explore these questions and identify any of the obstacles to making improvements.

Scales compliments of the Gottman Institute.

Working Through Stress Together Will Help You Build a Stronger Relationship

A marriage or any intimate relationship can be challenged by outside stress.

If you've had a bad day at work, or if your feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of earning a living these days, paying bills, and paying for college, it is a good idea to find time to share your feelings with your spouse.

Sharing these important thoughts and feelings will help your spouse feel important in your life and that their feedback really counts.

This John Gottman, PhD, scale helps you evaluate whether you and your spouse/partner are handling stress well or whether it is “spilling over” into your relationship in a negative way.

Answer the following questions:

* Do you help each other reduce the daily stress of life?
* Are you able to talk about this stress together?
* Is it helpful to both of you when you talk about these stress?
* Does your spouse/partner listen with understanding about your stress and worries?
* Do you find that your spouse/partner takes their job or other stress out on you?
* Does your spouse/partner take their job or other stress out on your children or others in your life?

So, what are you thinking about when you answer these questions.

Write down your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Make notes of specific issues you want to talk about with your spouse.

Don’t put off having any conversation about these important issues.


Scales compliments of the Gottman Institute.

Emotional Intimacy: A Way to Remain Comfortably Close

Remaining connected emotionally to each other is the most important part of healthy relationship.

You can have a lot of money, great job, everything else going for you, but if your relationship is cold and distant, you will not be very happy.

The first area of your relationship to evaluate deals with whether you are staying connected emotionally or becoming distant.

Here are some of John Gottman’s marital evaluation scales for you to use to evaluate yourself and your relationship:

* Are you able to easily talk with each other?
* Do stay emotionally in touch with each other?
* Do you feel taken for granted?
* Does your spouse/partner know you well right now?
* Is your spouse/partner emotionally disengaged?
* Are you spending time together?

What are you answers to these questions?

If you are too distant, what can you do to get closer?

Don’t wait for your partner to warm up. Think about what you might be doing to keep her/him distant and do the opposite!

Are you asking for what you need and want? Or does it sound like a blaming tirade of all your partner’s weaknesses?

If it’s the latter, don’t be surprized when you remain stuck in a bad cycle of conflict.

Take the risk, hear your partner’s complaints as a need for a hug, or their distance as their being burned out and needing some extra support.

This will help you be closer and stay there longer.


Scales compliments of the Gottman Institute.